Sarcastik #112

Dog Lips, New tricks:

Ok, now I've seen everything. HAHA! I took a short break from blogging, but as soon as I saw this I knew it was time to bring back the sarcasm. Where do I begin? Well, I feel incredibly sorry for this Dog and it's "DSL" lips. Why on earth would this product be a good idea? Who on god's green planet would invest? I know, it's super silly and I'm sure the dog thinks it's a large pink, vagina, ughhhh "toy!" HAHA! Really though, do we need to bring down our pups IQ even more? Sure we can snap some pictures and tell ourselves "It's so cute!" Could you imagine if roles were reversed? Scroll down to see who's the clown now? DUHHHHHHH!

Yea, that's about right..

Sarcastik #111

Baby Mop:

Look out Real Housewives! Your life just got simpler. Wouldn't you absolutely love to have your infant roll around on the ground and gather up dirt, lint, and bugs while you sip on your fifth martini?

There is a word for this absurdness. It's called "Chindogu." Which really is another way of saying that in Japan there is a "society of useless inventions." Don't believe me? Check out the site here: http://website.lineone.net/~sobriety/ Be prepared to laugh!

Yes, this and many other inventions put Roomba to shame. You can sweep up your floors and still have that closeness with your child. Just keep reassuring them they are doing a great job mopping and they haven't yet "missed a spot." 

Image by: mytimewaster.com

Sarcastik #110

Man-Bear-Pig-Ugg-Croc:

What the heck is that? In the words of Jurassic Park, "Shooooot-her!" Yes, after all the constant blabber about Finding Bigfoot- it seems the rumors are true. It's alive!

Why Ugg-Croc? (What the hell is Ugg-Croc?) How could you create such a hideous beast? To think any human being would step foot in these is simply a sin.

And another thing, what is the beast's purpose? Does it want to communicate with us? Is it made for rain? Is it made for snow? Is it made for running? I'll tell you one thing, I'm running as far away from the bubble gum beast as possible. You know, before It reveals itself on the street and is soon a trend. Then again, if it did, we would have to make a gold-mine Discovery Channel series called, "Escaping Bigfoot." Or another "Man-Bear Pig" South Park spin off would do too! Cha-Ching!$!

Sarcastik #109

Camel Toe, a Go:

First, I'd like to apologize for making you look at a nasty toe. By god it's finally happened. We have again embraced the hilarity of the commonly known Camel Toe joke. 

Yes, let's go as far as tattooing it on our feet to make a statement. We are so proud of the clinginess to our va-jay-jays, let's sing it loud and proud.

So when you are old and gray and your boobies aren't blocking your vision from the floor, you can look down and remember how stupid it was getting a tattoo of a camel on your big toe. 

Or, my favorite, when you have kids and you take them to the water-park and little Johnny asks "Mom, why is there a camel on your big toe?" and you simply and proudly reply, "It's a camel toe Johnny, and it really identifies with my womanhood." 

Sarcastik #108

Patch-work Smash-work:

I don't like it. I know it's trendy to paint your home furniture in vibrant colors with a side of patch-work but let me ask you something? Do you honestly think it looks retro? I mean that is what we are trying to get across right? No? We are just finding ugly ass furniture at resale shops, slapping a bright hue on it and calling it retro. Now to find some pillows and a floor mat. Yuck.

Sarcastik #107

The Fear of Sheer:

Sheer is in. Sure, it's perfectly natural to have every piece of see-thru fabric cling to your body unattractively. News flash: Loose sheer fabric wrinkles badly and it normally doesn't sit that well on anyone.

Please wear with a hint of sheer here and solid material there. That way it that doesn't overwhelm the look or expose you in which it looks like you put your bra on in the dark. Or here's an idea, why not try having the bra match the color of the dress altogether? That sure would bring a little class back.


Sheer snugs & snags for Whitney Port & KStew's look unfortunately.

Sarcastik #106

Mc Pants:

Img#1: Mc Hammer let it die, why can't we. Let me start off by saying it looks as though her pants will take flight. "Houston, we have a problem."
Oh yes, it's a wonderful idea for women to emphasize their body in the most distracting way. Really, men like it when it looks as though your thighs parachute. Just face away from the wind.

Img#2: Onto the shear pants.. Exactly when are we supposed to wear something like this? I absolutely love the cut-out near our asses. Nothing more appealing than a windy day in Chicago and your mc pants getting caught between your butt crack. Totally makes hailing a cab that much easier.